~*Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)*~

I spent 5 years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.

I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place. I loved her wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.

I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.

Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so… much… more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship… which still made me choose her even less.

Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.

She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task. You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.

To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn’t feel safe with me. She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.

Actually, I did abandon her.

By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.

I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.

It’s torture for everyone.

If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:

“Why am I choosing my partner today?”

If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”

If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.

But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.

Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

You do, too.

Choose wisely.

- Source: Fb Sageword -

~*Love is not just about feelings, its commitment*~

My heartfelt condolence. Share bukan untuk aibkan sesiapa tapi untuk jadi iktibar dan pengajaran buat kita semua.

Semoga para lelaki mendalami indahnya akhlak Rasulullah SAW sebagai suami dan ketua keluarga sebelum berkahwin.

My husband always remind me that 'love is not just about feelings, its commitment'. How two person commits to give their best, whatever it takes.

Looking at this two, I guess I'm a bit demanding as well... I pun nak Prada, nak LV, nak Ferragamo... But my husband cakap, mengikut Islam, when he takes me, he takes up the responsibility to fulfill my wants and needs. Tapi I pun tak ada lah minta bukan-bukan from my husband because I pun kerja so I can afford what I want with my own money, Ni lah dipanggil EHSAN.

Tahu tak tugas dalam rumah ialah tanggungjawab suami? Tahu tak dalam Islam ada bahagian nafkah untuk wangian dan perhiasan isteri? I tak tahu, Saif yang beritahu. Tahu tak, kalau isteri dah biasa bersenang jadi tanggungjawab suami untuk sediakan maid? Itu pun Saif beritahu. Kenapa Saif tahu because he reads a lot, he listens a lot. Dia bukan lelaki yang besar kepala dan bentuk marriage ikut kepala dia je dengan verdict, ikut hukum agama isteri kena patuh pada suami! Tak, Rasulullah tak berkeras dengan isteri, Baginda suami penyayang, kongsi selimut, bergurau senda, pergi pasar kemas rumah, what does that tell u? It means he was a loving man, responsible and tolerates in marriage.

Tanggungjawab isteri dalam Islam ialah menjaga suami, menjaga harta suami sepanjang pemergian dan menjaga kehormatan diri. Kerja rumah tu ehsan isteri, jaga anak tu ehsan, duit isteri dalam household ialah sedekah dari isteri. Tak percaya? Dalamilah ilmu agama berkaitan perkahwinan...Jgn tahu nak kawin je lepas 6 minggu dah macam-macam jadi.

Kalau mutually dah agree to swap duties, itu persetujuan antara suami dan isteri. EHSAN. Ini rumah bersepah marah isteri pulak instead of buat jugak. Susu anak pun tak reti nak buat. Memang tanggungjawab lelaki besar. Sebab tu, kalau tak sanggup, fikir banyak kali sebelum kahwin.

Indahnya perkahwinan bila suami jadikan akhlak Rasulullah sebagai his way of life and core of action. Ni tak, kutip sunnah tang kahwin empat. Imamkan isteri solat pun entah ada ke tak. Kerja rumah serah bulat-bulat kat isteri. Duit sendiri perabih kat main bola, lepak dengan kawan, rokok. Duit isteri guna beli pampers, duit dapur. Duit isteri bayar rumah, bayar kereta. Itu semua tanggungjawab suami. Macam mana rezeki keluarga nak bertambah kalau isteri bagi duit dalam tak ikhlas dalam marah sebab suami tak berikan nafkah dia, malah ambil pulak lagi dari dia bahagian yg sepatutnya tanggungjawab suami? Again, if the parties dah agree to swap responsibility, itu lain. Thats EHSAN.

Susah kan jadi lelaki? Sebab itu lah digalakkan kahwin dari kalangan sekufu.

Tapi zaman sekarang, entahlah. Kita kata kita islam, tapi kita pilih-pilih panduan yang mana nak ikut. Sedih kan.

Kalau Rasulullah tengok agaknya Baginda sedih tak? Ini ke Umat yg dia rindu dan sebut berkali-kali sebelum wafat tu. Ini ke umat yang nak diberi syafaat tu.

Ingatan buat sendiri dan semua, jom kita tepuk dada tanya iman.

- Source: Fb Tun Fiqa Mohammad -

~*Jangan Jatuh Cinta! Tapi Bangun Cinta*~

Wanita itu tak mudah jatuh hati pada seorang lelaki.

Namun jika ia tlah suka pada seorang lelaki, susah baginya untuk melupakannya.

Sebaliknya, lelaki itu biasanya mudah untuk jatuh hati pada wanita.

Namun tak sulit baginya pula untuk melupakan dan pindah pada lain hati.

Maka, itulah mengapa banyak wanita mengatakan lelaki tak setia.

Itu juga yang biasanya dikatakan wanita susah move on.

Maka, berhati-hatilah untuk jatuh hati,

karena jika sudah jatuh tak sedikit yang sulit bangkit.

Pastikan, lelaki atau wanita yang kau cintai

adalah dia yang dihalalkan untukmu, dianugerahkan untukmu.

Kalau belum waktunya, bersabarlah,

jangan terlalu mudah memberikan sinyal cinta,

karena jika berpisah, sakitnya tuh disini...

- Source: Fb Setia Furqon Kholid -